For some couples, the traditional marriage vows don't seem all that meaningful. While many couples don't think twice about using the traditional set of wedding promises in their ceremony, others feel they have a generic "fill-in-the-blanks" quality (as in "I, ______, take thee, _______, to be your lawfully wedded wife...."). To some couples, wedding vows feel more meaningful if they are personalized and unique.
If you're looking for a less traditional way to pledge your love, here are some ideas about what to include in your personalized wedding vows.
1) Figure out what you want to promise to each other. As you write your vows, think of the promises that are important for you and your partner. You will probably want to include some of the traditional concepts, but also take the time to think of values that are important to you that aren't included in the typical vows.
Here are some of the traditional promises that couples make to one another:
- Love
- Honor
- Fidelity
- Faithfulness
- Loyalty ("...in sickness and in health...)
- Lifetime commitment ("...'til death do us part...")
- Obedience (a bit controversial in this era, to say the least)
However, these are not the only things that are important in a marriage. Here are some less traditional promises to make to one another:
- Patience
- Trust
- Mutual respect
- Honesty
- Forgiveness
- Kindness to one another
- Nurturance
- Equality
- Shared workload
- Sacrifice
- Valuing each other's families
- Being a good parent
- Challenging each other to be the best people you can be
- Acceptance of each other's differing opinions
- Acceptance of each other's imperfections
- Willingness to change diapers, weed the garden, put the seat down, etc.
2) What specific things do you want to promise to give your partner? What are your strengths as a person that you want to share with your spouse? What special things does your spouse need from you? When writing your vows, discuss with your partner what you think spouses should give to one another, and keep this in mind as your write your vows.
3) What qualities of yours do you want to promise to avoid? Are you impatient? Unforgiving? Picky? Indulgent? Promise to be the best person you can be and to try to keep your imperfections in check.
4) Incorporate special circumstances. If a couple faces difficult or special challengess that will impact the marriage, find a way to include these in the vows. If the couple has children, either together or from a previous relationship, incorporate the kids into your vows. Other special circumstances and challenges you might address include:
- A serious illness
- A disability
- Military obligations (overseas service, frequent moves, etc.)
- Interfaith marriage
- A past history of addiction
5) Religious considerations. How do you want religion to fit into your life, and how do you want this to fit into your marriage vows? To many, marital vows are a promise to God as much as they are a promise to each other, so make this clear as you write your vows. Couples might also promise to help each other in their relationship with God.
Use your imagination! Don't worry about making your vows sound like everybody else's. This is your unique relationship and your personalized promises to one another. Take the time to write your your vows together and your wedding will be all the more meaningful.
Related articles:
Should you change your last name?
Stress-free wedding planning tips
Cheap honeymoon vacation ideas
Naomi Rockler-Gladen - Instructional designer and freelance writer, Naomi Rockler-Gladen writes some of Suite101's most read work.
